I have had a lot of things on my mind lately. I am not one for a lot of fancy writings, or using creative words, but I just need to write (type) some thoughts out.
So, most of you know that Scott is graduating law school in May. We have been praying and praying and PRAYING that he would find work soon. We had also been praying where we needed to be and live, what would be best for our family, etc. After a lot of prayer and thought, we decided that Sacramento would be the best place for us while he studies for and takes the bar, with the hopes that he will find a job soon after. Why am I writing about all of this you may ask? Bare with me, I am not quite sure yet either, but I know it will come as I continue typing! :) We are in what I have been calling, Limbo. We don't really KNOW where we are going to be working, living, settling down, etc. All we know is that we are moving to Sacramento. Scott had an interview out here in Florida weeks ago. It went really well and we actually felt really good about it. Then after a few days, I just started having a sinking feeling, a feeling that made me wonder if Florida is where we wanted to stay. Visiting family on the West coast would be practically breaking the bank any time we came out and the closest family to us would be a 19 hr car ride. To be honest, as much as we have enjoyed our three years in Florida, we never came out here with the intention of staying (I hope I am not offending any of my Floridian friends). So I started secretly hoping that he would not get the job because I just was feeling uncertain about it. We talked about the great opportunity it would be to work at this small, one-man-show, firm and the endless possibilities, but something just wasn't feeling right to me. We have not heard back from the lady he interviewed with, but I am not at all anxious about it, like I usually would be. I mean, this is WORK. We NEED a good job. I have just been more curious to see if she does get back to him in the time frame she gave him and what she actually says.
Okay, back to limbo. So, we are TOTALLY in limbo. Some days get a little scary for me because my mind goes to all of the "what ifs" and "whens" and "CRAP, we have student loans to pay off!" It doesn't help that I have all of the extra hormones surging through my body too! Anyway, we have been praying that we will know what we need to do and working hard on being worthy of the spirit so we can receive revelation.
My next thought.
Conference helped me in so many ways. It helped me in regards to my feeling of Limboness (I know, not a real word), and it helped remind me of what is most important. Usually I feel like only a few of the talks pertain to me and the rest are probably perfect for someone else, but honestly, I felt like I truly got something out of every talk (okay, there may have been one or two that I didn't get as much from because we were trying to entertain Ada). President Uchtdorf talked about the importance of taking tiny steps towards building our faith, rather than expecting some huge, experience like Joseph Smith or Saul had. He said, "They want some dramatic event to compel them to believe." I have been that person before. I hope that I know better now, but I surely know that in years past, I have wanted the heavens to open and tell me what I want to know. He talked about waiting on our road to Damascus like Saul. That too many of us wait in hopes for something magnificent to happen, when in actuality we can be building our faith one step at a time. I know that I have found myself "waiting" during this last year. I feel like I have wasted a lot of time waiting to truly believe that things would work out to how I wanted things to work out (this is in regards to a lot of personal things, including the job search). Listening to him speak, though, made me realize that I am on a good path! That we are going to be okay. We may not find that job right away, we may have to live with my parents longer than we want (hahaha, Mom, you know we totally love you guys and appreciate your help!!), we may not get all of the answers when we want them, but I feel like after this weekend, I have a brighter hope. I feel stronger and more uplifted than I have been in a long time. I have a stronger desire to have a more solid testimony and faith in Heavenly Father. I am okay right now to be in Limbo. I am okay with a lot of things.
"He Loves us, He loves you. When necessary the Lord will even carry you over obstacles as you seek His peace with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. When necessary the Lord will even carry you over obstacles as you seek His peace with a broken heart and a contrite spirit."
So, why did I write all of this? Well, one thought I had is that it is MUCH easier to type my thoughts out rather than write them. My penmanship has gone down hill during this computer era and I find that my typing flows much better (and you can actually read it!). Another thought, is because I don't talk a lot about my thoughts on my blog. I will call this my blog since Scott does not contribute ( Although, I know he reads it. Love you Scott!). :) I sometimes am afraid to write down what I am thinking and for so many reasons. But, this particular post has been on my mind all week. I don't expect many, if any (ha) to read this post. It was for me. It was something that I needed to do. I guess that last reason is why I wrote this post. And, for those that just want to see a picture...